New year resolutions for 2014

14 resolutions for 201314

Smarten up to give my smartphone some competition.

Work out ways to avoid working out ways to avoid workout.

Tag 50-odd people in every pic that I upload on Facebook starting right from New Year's eve, hoping 20 people would be forced into liking it even though the rest of them cringe and mentally ask me to buzz off.

Use an unrelated quote and a '<3' as appendage to each and every picture. A saying on dogs would go well with a selfie. And 'Pic Courtesy' is a must. It doesn't matter if the picture makes me look like an asshole.

Comment 'cute' for everything related to a girl's profile. I don't know how, but it will help me get laid.

Watch 'Sasural Simar Ka' on loop. 

(readers be like meh)

Take offence. I will break your bones because you wore pants that hurt my religious sensibilities and refused to take them off. Better still, I will vandalize the entire town and burn a few buses because they are somehow related to your pants.

Take an unprecedented interest in Football prior to the World Cup although I don't know what constitutes enough ground for a send off other than smashing a player's balls.

Take up a course in HTML from Govind Tiwari and get myself blinking.

Kill a few TV-soap script writers and pocket the entailing humanitarian award.

Stop procrastinating. Yes. We start the stopping tomorrow. 

Open a Facebook page titled 'I was alive when Dhoom 3 happened', spam everywhere, beg for and gather a few likes before posting age-old SMS jokes on sex that even Sidhu refuses to acknowledge anymore, saying 'my fart is louder than the phuljhadi that is Dhoom 3'.

Get a life. "You like Counter Stike? You are a big gay nerd these are for losers I have 6969 friends OMG WTF get a life." Okay, will give it a shot. 

Make sure one long held resolution stands the test of Poonam Pandey high resolution.

Continue writing stupid blog-posts that hardly anyone reads.

(Image courtesy)