tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58539909359386487762024-03-12T23:24:35.784-07:00< Insert something witty >Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-1952214928243158062014-04-04T06:28:00.001-07:002014-11-11T10:11:43.524-08:00Lights out<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">'A tube-light resembles a sarcastic quote. And math too. It takes time' </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6f59hXvrSan8W56LBAWBG5c_XHd4neOXs-Cv_CAi-EwaHndH_dAGoVs5UJY47ufgsGstYDB2l98_w_k82-DpDiW73R-kBMKtCZ_7HtC-ZebLqTgUpkzjukLmGYkAObMme7Me_PklHsy4P/s1600/Rahul-Gandhi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6f59hXvrSan8W56LBAWBG5c_XHd4neOXs-Cv_CAi-EwaHndH_dAGoVs5UJY47ufgsGstYDB2l98_w_k82-DpDiW73R-kBMKtCZ_7HtC-ZebLqTgUpkzjukLmGYkAObMme7Me_PklHsy4P/s1600/Rahul-Gandhi.jpg" height="280" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(no idea why the search engine came up with this when I entered tube-light. maybe because of the halo)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The previous tube light that had served me well for over
four months gave way way back in October. Then, I had tried to resuscitate it.
I twisted it, turned it, abused it, coaxed it, reversed its positioning, but to
no avail.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Four months! I mean, c’mon! That’s like the duration of two
State Assemblies. So, naturally, there was a certain level of affection/laziness
which meant that I continued holding onto it, in much the same way as I
continued with my ex’s name as my laptop’s password. So, I took it down and
placed it vertically in one corner of my room. It still stands there and looks
eerily like my ex giving me the finger.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Well, then, few days later there were exams. And you just don’t fuck with
exams. So, I put down a request for a new tube, but the authorities gave me
sweet fuck-all, which meant I had to take care of preparations in my
neighbor's room who gradually got pissed off on me because he wanted privacy
to do some stuff. I respect that. I do. (He don’t have no girlfriend though.
Just saying)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I decided to take matters in my own hands. A tube costs 50
bucks is what somebody prompted. Another retorted that 50 bucks = 6 cigarettes.
Somebody else suggested I steal one from one of the many corridors of our
hostel. That proved impossible. It was like forcing a barefoot Rajpal Yadav to
kiss Deepika + stilettos on screen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Finally, a bathroom was zeroed in on in the adjacent wing,
and I attacked in broad daylight, chairs and all, because we assholes are certainly
sleeping during that time, can’t say the same about any other hour of the day.
The tube was slotted, and my heart skipped a beat when I switched it on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It made a whizzing noise, flickered, blinked innocently as
if it was in a viva and not in my room, and finally glowed to its fullest a la
<a href="https://lh3.ggpht.com/LXG1VBdHxls7_TR9AgqEA5cdaBwrMIBSMtGpyybN9OE4SOcViWrMJj34GwlusneT5BQYrA=s136" target="_blank">Yami Gautam</a>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The tube served me well for over 6 months. Sadly, today it
fizzled out. I almost forgot I was in my hostel and not in Bangladesh for the world cup.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It has been with me through ups and downs (that, by
the way, is the worst double-entendre ever, can’t believe I have stooped down
to Viveik Oberoi levels). It has seen me watch Dhoom 3 and Yaariyan. It watched
silently as I stalked girls online, read TOI, scratched myself or picked my
nose. And like a true friend, it was never ever judgmental. It accepted me for
who I was, and blinked on with me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">However, no resuscitation this time around, coz a lizard is
perched atop the tube-holder and I would rather fuck with exams than mess with
the bastard. Plus, the futility of a working tube in the last month of the last
semester outweighs the need of a new tube, when all you are doing for the entire
day is eating whatever you aren't drinking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-71579184182217392212014-02-12T13:18:00.000-08:002014-02-18T08:50:38.640-08:00On my way to Howrah<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My Kolkata trip last weekend was a slapdash affair.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">To begin with, I had made reservations in Ispat express, 2<sup>nd</sup>
seating. I also ended up reaching Rourkela station pretty late, in fact I almost missed the train.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Reservations in 2</span><sup style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">nd</sup><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> seating. Late. M</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">y day had only just started.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The compartment looked vaguely similar to this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhXwS-okqDyGIGr5EI1-6Im6Zw5PwgbUkrDyr8SkvX_0iSssRP0mRw32ZWOWvEP5qI96CKVnWr726EfIfwkIN7VB-XKhnbM1YPspRKrn_r6APULUmy7lB5n6AZCPqeytTGjMiSSZAWsHIj/s1600/IMG_3323.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhXwS-okqDyGIGr5EI1-6Im6Zw5PwgbUkrDyr8SkvX_0iSssRP0mRw32ZWOWvEP5qI96CKVnWr726EfIfwkIN7VB-XKhnbM1YPspRKrn_r6APULUmy7lB5n6AZCPqeytTGjMiSSZAWsHIj/s1600/IMG_3323.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The man who was sitting in my designated seat (much like the seat on which the lady, fourth from right, is sitting) was on the
verge of asking me to fuck off. And much like the lady above and her companions, he gave me the what-did-you-say-to-me look. But after showing him the IRCTC text message which he
refused to admit as a ticket, and much threatening (which probably sounded like
desperate pleas) and tch-ing, he finally relented, only to stand in the aisle
next to my seat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It is worthy to note that the guy had an imposing build. Try
imagining Laluji’s head atop Bappi Lahiri’s torso. Now imagine the guy's lump
crashing against your head every time the train jerked. Or his crotch brushing against your arm. Or vendors, for the lack
of enough space making you contort while passing through because Laluji is blocking the way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">After much hassle, I finally settled down somewhat. Not for long
though.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*Clap</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq3MaLmP3Hquvvi0k6UJd4JKH_H2MealEI1CP7OvJkJCyGojpxwhHemVD9031GtT3p7g7dgtNsQKUyQwjs9NP9peGpg3fvWsv73sVaVSOgzFsATVfxxeg5wtZeQexPkyIANXG_Szy5OUk9/s1600/FUNNY_-_THE_CLAP_NOT_JUST_A_SOUND_BLK_MENS_cu_4_1.jpg" height="400" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">(FML)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq3MaLmP3Hquvvi0k6UJd4JKH_H2MealEI1CP7OvJkJCyGojpxwhHemVD9031GtT3p7g7dgtNsQKUyQwjs9NP9peGpg3fvWsv73sVaVSOgzFsATVfxxeg5wtZeQexPkyIANXG_Szy5OUk9/s1600/FUNNY_-_THE_CLAP_NOT_JUST_A_SOUND_BLK_MENS_cu_4_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Transvestites.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I heard the clapping from a fair distance, and tried to
feign sleep while the guy was still a fair distance away. After what seemed
like a very long time, I opened my eyes, feeling convinced that all was well.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Pinch on cheek. A hand brushing through my hair. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(On some station midway between Bhubaneswar and Bangalore,
probably 10 pm)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">6 boys (including me) were going to Bangalore to attend a Maths
Olympiad Camp that was being organised by KVS. We also had a teacher.
Apparently, we were his responsibility.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We had dinner, or whatever you want to call that farce the
pantry car used to conjure up in those days.</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Then just as we were arguing about berths, we heard the
clap. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">After a collective effusion of 'shit', we all settled down frantically. I was by the window, and felt pretty secure.
Meanwhile, the teacher fled to a nearby compartment that had survived the onslaught. Or in other words, gave us the finger.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A few
minutes later, they arrived, three of them. All of them presumably inebriated.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The ones by the aisle had their noses pulled, their cheeks
pinched, their hairlines caressed. They both assumed wooden expressions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">One of the transvestites then moved into the compartment as
far as he could, meaning he was right in front of the guy sitting next to me.
We all had our faces subjected to the same ritualistic reception. Then the guy
next to me made the single biggest mistake of his life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">‘<i>Ei chikne, chal nikaal</i>..’ (roughly, O Handsome, give me
some)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*no response, just a stifled giggle, which made the guy mouth unmentionables. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">‘<i>Sunai nahin diya tereko</i>?’ (Can’t you fucking hear what I am
saying?)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">‘<i>Jaane do na bhaiya</i>..’
(Let go, Bro)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">‘<i>Bhaiya kisko
bola? Bhaiya kisko bola
Ma*******</i>?’ (I’m not your bro, mofo)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">‘<i>Abhi kuch hai nahin mere paas</i>..’ (I don’t have nothing)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">‘<i>Laga hi tha meko. Lekin mere paas hai</i>’ (I thought so too. But I got something)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And with this, this chap uplifted his skirt and, because of
the absence of underpants, made a full frontal display. He even threatened to
cover the head of the guy next to me with his uplifted skirt, and take him in. This remains the
funniest and at the same time the shittiest moment of my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Somebody, from somewhere, managed to get a 20-rupee note
just in time to avoid what looked like an instance of giving head forcibly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Another pinch. Palm spread out for money. Reluctance
noticed. A shove on the shoulder. A 10-rupee note produced. Blessed, told I was going to have loads of kids. Overheard:
fat guy being told something about his dick.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sometime later, a teen aged girl and her little brother came
around singing ‘<i>Pardesi. Pardesi</i>..’
The girl was singing while her brother was collecting whatever was being
offered by the passengers. The guy by the window offered the girl a 5-rupee
coin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2 minutes later, the little boy comes around asking for
money. The window-guy tells him that he has already given money to the girl. The
boy gives a smirk, tells him that he is a lying bastard, offers him 5-rupees instead, and in the process, asks him to grow some balls. Window guy calls him an asshole and grabs his neck.
Little boy manages to flee.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">7 hours later, I alight at Howrah..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-15163071863007264312014-01-08T12:23:00.000-08:002014-03-11T09:07:20.466-07:00Statue of levity<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">‘Aaj Blue hai pani pani pani pani pani pani<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Aur hum hain horny horny horny horny horny horny’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Fucking unbelievable man! Is the lyricist for real?”. <br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Trying to figure out how a shitty sounding song can salvage
a movie’s foregone fortunes at the box office, you can hardly expect to witness
something that’s even more batshit insane.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">‘<b>A goddess Sonia temple- Congress MLA’s thank you for
Telangana decision</b>’ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Fucking unbelievable man! Is this doormat for real? - feeling Gandu jaisa”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But is it really so big a deal that people are getting their panties in a wad? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhivhMgW3RtOZq1ij4yaSInFoeMZj5GGFngxX38YWMFEgysEONkao3b7ijT3m1YuDn_2Ww_1Uu9FnZGFUdfaDdPpFfURFszNqI8v7j9bhHkrQevWH4smYJtabRCEIZfbw9EHH6OR3Vs9sLd/s1600/Joker+Mind+Loss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhivhMgW3RtOZq1ij4yaSInFoeMZj5GGFngxX38YWMFEgysEONkao3b7ijT3m1YuDn_2Ww_1Uu9FnZGFUdfaDdPpFfURFszNqI8v7j9bhHkrQevWH4smYJtabRCEIZfbw9EHH6OR3Vs9sLd/s1600/Joker+Mind+Loss.jpg" height="178" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
Krrish got his own statue when he was fucking around with our brains in the
third installment, that too only when he was saving us from Viveik Oberoi and Kangana
Ranaut. Seriously, what threat did they pose apart from the fact that they
threatened to appear in other movies? And isn't he already at Tussauds? <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Nobody gave a shit then.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The clay prototype of Mother India’s statue is ready. It holds a flower (a lotus!? something from Vadraland!?) in one hand and a plate replete with what looks like Italian Pasta in the other. A benevolent smile greets the onlooker, making him feel it's his Swiss account.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And no, this is not sycophancy. Not a Bollywood movie either. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“...devout Nehru-Gandhi loyalist...”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">'The center for spiritual and venal development'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Fuck Tussauds. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">.</span></div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When it comes to Mother India, the Goddess of prosperity
who’s got billions in her coffers to proffer, the epitome of sacrifice, everybody
goes gaga, forgetting that the devotee is an Indian and is liable to take
offence.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Building a temple -not a bootlicker.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Are you serious, or just shitting on me?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Dude, you’re hurting my religious sensibilities.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“No shit. But what about mental sensibilities?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"The party’s secular credentials are at stake. Why a temple?
Why not some other structure?"<br /><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"What do you mean some other structure?"<br />"I don't know. Maybe a fenced opening for a scarecrow. That's secular."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">'The priest’s appointment has been deferred till post
elections?'</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Possibly. It is probably just a post retirement
benefit."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">PS. <i>Sycophancy</i> is now spelled a-s-s-l-i-c-k-e-r-y.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-43540458610075057992013-12-29T22:12:00.002-08:002014-12-31T04:02:08.311-08:00New year resolutions for 2014<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">14 resolutions for 20<strike>13</strike>14</span></b><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Smarten up to give my smartphone some competition.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Work out ways to avoid working out ways to avoid workout.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Tag 50-odd people in every pic that I upload on Facebook starting right from New Year's eve, hoping 20 people would be forced into liking it even though the rest of them cringe and mentally ask me to buzz off.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Use an unrelated quote and a '<3' as appendage to each and every picture. A saying on dogs would go well with a selfie. And 'Pic Courtesy' is a must. It doesn't matter if the picture makes me look like an asshole.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Comment 'cute' for everything related to a girl's profile. I don't know how, but it will help me get laid.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Watch <i>'Sasural Simar Ka'</i> on loop. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/MjAxMi03Y2RiNTgwMzMzMDQ0NmQ4_50dd5918c6276.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/MjAxMi03Y2RiNTgwMzMzMDQ0NmQ4_50dd5918c6276.png" height="280" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(readers be like meh)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
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</div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Take offence. I will break your bones because you wore pants that hurt my religious sensibilities and refused to take them off. Better still, I will vandalize the entire town and burn a few buses because they are somehow related to your pants.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Take an unprecedented interest in Football prior to the World Cup although I don't know what constitutes enough ground for a send off other than smashing a player's balls.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Take up a course in HTML from Govind Tiwari and get myself blinking.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Kill a few TV-soap script writers and pocket the entailing humanitarian award.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Stop procrastinating. Yes. We start the stopping tomorrow. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Open a Facebook page titled 'I was alive when Dhoom 3 happened', spam everywhere, beg for and gather a few likes before posting age-old SMS jokes on sex that even Sidhu refuses to acknowledge anymore, saying 'my fart is louder than the phuljhadi that is Dhoom 3'.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Get a life. "You like Counter Stike? You are a big gay nerd these are for losers I have 6969 friends OMG WTF get a life." Okay, will give it a shot. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Make sure one long held resolution stands the test of Poonam Pandey high resolution.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Continue writing stupid blog-posts that hardly anyone reads.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(<a href="http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMi03Y2RiNTgwMzMzMDQ0NmQ4" target="_blank">Image courtesy</a>)</span></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-36652505467501451312013-11-30T06:55:00.001-08:002013-12-29T08:57:52.578-08:00Contentious? Wrong. It is spelled contentment.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My mother would treat me and my sister to one packet of <i>bhel puri</i> each on our way back home from the twice-or-thrice-a-week outing to the nearby
park in Mumbai. Packet is a catachresis, because I don’t know if a word exists
for the newspaper cut-outs that are rolled into things that look like a bad
replacement for conical birthday-caps. Anyways. Now, as soon as I could lay my hands on
that overflowing treat, trying my best not to think about the one-or-two grains of <i>moori</i> falling off the brim,
and take my eyes off the children on the streets coveting my prize, I would try
and make a mental note of whether my sister had received a greater bounty than
I had. Then I would try to ensure that I ate as slowly as possible, for
finishing last in this race meant that you enjoyed for a longer period of time,
and that somehow gave me satisfaction. Satisfaction of what, I don’t have a
clear idea. Because, even a crude estimate would tell that I had the same
amount of moori as she did. Probably eating longer was confused with eating
more. And in this process, all the attention would be on her packet, and I would try to make sure that I ate as slowly
as possible.Then one fine day, I tripped, lost balance, and then had a hard
time telling the<i> moori</i> from the dust around.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In life too, instead of enjoying what you have, you try to figure out what others
are up to, crave for stuff that isn't yours, and that makes you sulk. Then one
fine evening, you trip, and can’t tell the <i>moori</i> from the dust. </span><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-33120385265544611812013-11-09T08:09:00.002-08:002013-12-29T08:58:25.802-08:00Brace yourself, winter has come!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Boro-Plus hasn't yet made the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWK6ISnGwJM" target="_blank">official declaration </a>regarding
winter. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But the fact that <i>rukhe-sukhe-twacha-and-phate-honth</i>,
which roughly translates into bone dry skin than turns into a blackboard when
scratched, and lips that look like Indian roads, suggests that Mr Bachchan
should have been chanting Pro-Boro-Plus hymns already.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It is, so as to speak, a strange period of time, especially
so when you are talking about fans. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No, not the ones Salman Khan snubs, but the electric ones. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Off
or on, you need a blanket nevertheless. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Turn them off, and you find yourself perspiring under the
blanket. No pun intended. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Turn them on even at the lowest possible rpm, and you’re
gone for good, especially during the night when it gets nipple-hardening cold
and you are cringing awkwardly while trying to avoid your own palms and
under-feet because they-are freaking-ice-cold-and-you-would-rather-chop-them-off. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even the bed-covers get cold. Can’t think of any other time when fabric
conducted heat, or the lack of it. And you find yourself powerless against
nothing in particular, so you would bear the chill than switch that thing off. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Relaxing in the caffeine-supplemented-hebetude resembling the quintessential Lord Vishnu pose, all people do is watch sitcoms and stalk people on Facebook and do nothing in particular the whole time. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Shorter days and longer nights. You go to work/college when there is barely enough light, and come back when there is none.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6MZ0hfrDdq4srqnnDarHaReZxV5vBONdhDxdjOhL4Dw-YtjOuBP74ysEzxmma8I2IqJGeSgIcPDyvo39X8GCOvlcz-rb-CNwd3wjK9uq3lkCeEqsJV6igibsKexxUymRM6v7aHv8PDpUV/s1600/winter-nights-dark-social-life-seasonal-ecards-someecards.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6MZ0hfrDdq4srqnnDarHaReZxV5vBONdhDxdjOhL4Dw-YtjOuBP74ysEzxmma8I2IqJGeSgIcPDyvo39X8GCOvlcz-rb-CNwd3wjK9uq3lkCeEqsJV6igibsKexxUymRM6v7aHv8PDpUV/s400/winter-nights-dark-social-life-seasonal-ecards-someecards.png" height="222" width="400" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sweaters, jackets, hoodies are out and about and thankfully,
nobody can make out whether you are wearing a clean t-shirt or not. (At times, one woolen garment doesn't suffice. In that sense, it's probably awesome being Anil Kapoor.) Everybody
looks (sort-of) dandy. In that sense, winter is a great leveler. Same goes for
beanies, they hide my dandruff. So much for hair products.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">All this when winter hasn't struck us properly! It’s just
the onset, and you can find people carrying out a MUL (Marginal Utility
Analysis) every morning to determine the marginal utility of sleeping for some
more time against getting up for breakfast or for the first class of the day.
And sleep it is every time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Okay. It's time for the second blanket to be garrisoned along with the first one. But it proved difficult last time around. The superimposition gets awry.The torso gets both, and legs get none and lie somewhere in between the two blankets, much like a thigh-cut-ensemble. Got to get this thing right.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
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<br /></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-48380565347061578032013-10-17T01:35:00.001-07:002013-11-09T10:49:38.310-08:00Odisha diaries <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What happens in Odisha stays in Odisha.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No, not as in Vegas. In fact, Odisha is as far removed from
Vegas as Manmohan Singh is from Dolly Bindra. The thing is that media houses do
not generally give a fuck about what is going on in the eastern state which is,
at best, an algebra problem for most people. They just don’t know about it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">They can probably point it out on a map, and that is the
best case scenario. If you attempt to collect details about the state from them,
they would most likely do a Rahul Gandhi and start proclaiming that Odisha is
larger than UP and Rajasthan combined. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Some have this notion that it is a part of the neighboring
West Bengal owing to the linguistic similarities, or that a
now-imprisoned-politician from another neighboring state once was at the helm
of its affairs. True, both the states are absolute-and-perennial underdogs in
matters of money and literacy, but that doesn't warrant such bullshit that both
are one and the same.</span><br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
Well, let’s get back to the media houses now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">News (although I have reservations about whether the crap
doing the rounds on Indian news channels qualifies as news in the first place)
channels disseminate information on Odisha so infrequently and on such select occasions that you can almost
guess what’s going on. The cause will
most likely be one of the following:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(1) A natural calamity, probably a cyclone</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(2) Puri Rath-yatra or the chariot festival</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(3) A one-off ODI at Barabati stadium in Cuttack</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(4) Missile test-launch in Chandipur</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixGMY35VawGocUte_5RGrTRw3uMyae233oTT5fgBw6GIlygQWIfw_DQwYwaWAr9l8o9OkyXWU0EaKyD9m1HJNYmQx9umwUj_6KO2rkyZH9N7s526hOr_Py3BlhnHW-WKc-RBRIOxCxYlyO/s1600/lord-paul-praises-handling-of-cyclone-phailin-to-contribute-rs-25-lakh_131013014946.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixGMY35VawGocUte_5RGrTRw3uMyae233oTT5fgBw6GIlygQWIfw_DQwYwaWAr9l8o9OkyXWU0EaKyD9m1HJNYmQx9umwUj_6KO2rkyZH9N7s526hOr_Py3BlhnHW-WKc-RBRIOxCxYlyO/s200/lord-paul-praises-handling-of-cyclone-phailin-to-contribute-rs-25-lakh_131013014946.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, when some of the news channels reckoned that a sizable cyclone
making its way towards the state, rekindling fear and apprehension harking back
to ’99 when the infamous Super Cyclone had left the state fucked up beyond all
recognition, was important enough to usurp the footage that had been reserved
for a TV actress who was getting manicured, that was a moment to rejoice.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Odisha is like a back-up dancer in a concert who performs
just next to the celebrity. He is at your face all the while, but you ignore
him happily. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No wonder that a celebrity fart in Mumbai has got more takers in
the media than, say, the sorry tragedy of a teenage girl in Odisha who was
raped and killed allegedly at the behest of a former minister, or a full-fledged
coup to dismiss the CM . At best, an ephemeral headline is godsend, and the ensuing ecstasy beats that of the people who successfully grapple behind journalists to have their face shoved into the scope of the camera.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And this is no exaggeration. In fact, finding a needle in
Laluji’s haystack is much less tedious than scouring the national news for
something even remotely related to Odisha. That haystack, mind you, is huge, worth
crores.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even during Rath Yatra, news channels prefer streaming
snippets of Narendra Modi sweeping the chariots of the three deities in
Ahmedabad over disseminating news from Puri in Odisha even when the chariot
festival traces its origin to Puri. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Strikingly enough, even the news regarding the change in
name from Orissa to Odisha has promulgated really slow. Maybe all this is
related to the fact that Odisha is politically somewhat stagnant and remains
largely insulated from the vagaries of politics at the national level. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It is one of those rare species that faces the ‘combined’
opposition of Congress and BJP. Both the parties are ridiculously marginalized
here, and any random person would have better fortunes in the imminent Lok
Sabha elections. Plus, Digvijaya Singh hasn’t made any effort yet to make a
fool out of himself while ridiculing the Odisha CM. No political name-calling<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5853990935938648776" name="_GoBack"></a>, hence nobody gives a shit. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And not just Odisha, there are loads of other states that
lack a celebrity status. Like the north-east. People barely know the names of
the states that exist in the far-east, let alone the ability to locate them.
It’s like an attempt to locate your own itchy crotch in a <a href="http://mallikarjunak.blogspot.in/2013/08/once-upon-local-train-in-mumbai.html" target="_blank">Mumbai local</a>, but ending
up scratching somebody else’s. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Hence sporadic appearances in the home page of TOI website
alongside links of hot videos and celebrity oops moments are reasons to
rejoice for these states. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even the unprecedented evacuation of people in droves failed to find a mention in favor of a senile idiot who wants to get hitched to Mallika's Americanized self delusion. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">May be this is a lesson in disguise. We need to better
advertise and market our state. Modi has done that brilliantly. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, let’s get down to work. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Promote anything that justifies the advertising outlay:
temples, sand art, culture, our CM’s hold over the local language et al. Anything
but not the local film industry. That will do more harm than good. Create FB pages instead and spam members.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-25378710703567548802013-10-07T06:58:00.003-07:002013-10-07T11:02:35.605-07:0024 fallacies of 24<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> Watching the pilot as well as the second episode of Anil Kapoor's new TV series 24 was a refreshing change for Indian TV viewers. But, there were loads of things that were new, in the sense that such things were unheard of previously in relation to TV soaps, 24 of which are: </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (1) You
cannot have a title that short and expect the show to work. A 4-letter abbreviation is the bare minimum. Plus, there are no K's in 24. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (2) You
cannot fit in events spanning one hour in real time into an hour long episode. Either
you stretch, say, a 5 minute <a href="http://mallikarjunak.blogspot.in/2013/09/saas-bahu-and-nonsense_13.html" target="_blank">Saas-Bahu</a> confrontation into an hour long saga accompanied
by drum rolls, customized music and people turning their heads thrice in shock,
or you try and leapfrog 7 years in a matter of one episode.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (3) You cannot have an Indian lady in your show (Tisca
Chopra) portraying a wife who is audacious enough to vent her anger to her
husband.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (4) You cannot show a hot female assassin making out
with a male assassin in the washroom on board a flight before killing him. That
10 seconds long clip would qualify as porno in Indian TV. Plus, this has the
eerie undertones of female empowerment: travelling alone, choosing your partner,
taking up employment opportunities (that too of an assassin) and shit.<span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></span><br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-LZXrP2uQeaTPwMY_FHpD9fDR22KtiWnOX4cezl2V8efEXLQoKSsjepRwm_q9coNR-XR0LZTWGEi2LkekuN23IlicKdlEOZFvwvwLfXVticxOYnjWa8BdOdTs5fq_cTFaWiiUjtDhjOF6/s1600/story-size-Anil-Kapoor-24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> <img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-LZXrP2uQeaTPwMY_FHpD9fDR22KtiWnOX4cezl2V8efEXLQoKSsjepRwm_q9coNR-XR0LZTWGEi2LkekuN23IlicKdlEOZFvwvwLfXVticxOYnjWa8BdOdTs5fq_cTFaWiiUjtDhjOF6/s320/story-size-Anil-Kapoor-24.jpg" width="256" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (5) You cannot depict a Prime Minister who is
sincerely trying to live up to his promises. Indians don’t know nothing about
such things, at least not yet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (6) The Prime Minister in the show resembles a
leader from the ruling party, but still is shown as someone who is making sense
while talking. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (7) You cannot show the brother-in-law as a
good-for-nothing drunkard. Brothers-in-law, who technically also qualify as
sons-in-law, are a rather powerful breed donning various hats, from being
businessmen-cum-real-estate-aficionados to being cricket enthusiasts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (8) Mandira Bedi is doing stuff outside of a Cricket
Stadium.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (9) I am not sure about this one, probably because I
haven’t seen one. But does an airplane carrying a powerful national leader also
boast of a <i>laal-batti</i>? Seriously? Too
much attention to detail it seems.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (10) There are no
refusing-to-die nonagenarians in the show.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (11) As far as Indian television
goes, one doesn’t simply show ladies going to and getting out of bed unless
they are laden with 24 carat gold ornaments, gilded lehengas and saris and what
not. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (12) How come not a single
person is overacting? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (13) You cannot show young 18 or
20 years old girls getting drunk and partaking in drunken revelry. They are supposed to get married ASAP, and as soon as the back-to-the-future bit
happens, have kids who can literally pass as their elder brothers in real life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (14) You cannot show various government
agencies, intelligence, ATU and otherwise, displaying such sophisticated level
of coordination and information sharing before something has actually happened,
when Chris Martin’s hand eye coordination is far better. He, by the way, holds
the record for the most number of ducks in International Cricket.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (15) You cannot show Anil Kapoor
for one full hour without him screaming ‘Jhakaas’ at least 24 times and breaking
into an impromptu jig to the tune of ‘Ram-Lakhan’ that invokes an image of a
hairy, angry bear whose kid was taken. Hell, he even did it at the Oscars. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSjhXS6jnmMBkty-uTiw-ajBR2578ELJBhaC1j2W0io9uSd8MB1rQbUcSTnPRom-E37fcK4fy4Jtca8AnIlL5hVHUl0RovyAMO9p2CkUmxaNwZ1y7k0b8U7gQ1YZXo9-jQEpwMXxhvYqS5/s1600/ita6-nov5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSjhXS6jnmMBkty-uTiw-ajBR2578ELJBhaC1j2W0io9uSd8MB1rQbUcSTnPRom-E37fcK4fy4Jtca8AnIlL5hVHUl0RovyAMO9p2CkUmxaNwZ1y7k0b8U7gQ1YZXo9-jQEpwMXxhvYqS5/s400/ita6-nov5.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (16) Anupam Kher as a sleuth
doesn’t go down well, especially when he has been the quintessential happy-go-lucky
old man all his life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (17) The producer is a Kapoor
alright. But it is Anil, not Ekta.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (18) They haven’t shown a single
pothole on Mumbai’s roads. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (19) There are a good number of
Scorpios and other SUVs. But even while being action oriented, 24 doesn’t show
a single vehicle flying around. Indians love that shit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (20) Most Indians don’t
understand the concept of a superfast internet connection, especially when 8GB
worth data gets transferred online in a matter of seconds. That too wireless. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (21) The protagonists aren’t
super rich and don’t have palaces for houses.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (22) Anil Kapoor’s daughter
seems a pretty good actress.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (23) The show is not
stereotypical and actually seems promising.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> (24) Finally, Shri Shri Bejan
Daruwala says the digits in 24 add up to 6, which is an ominous sign because
the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. Makes no sense, but that’s the
whole point.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-32696288096367705342013-10-02T06:53:00.000-07:002013-10-02T10:09:27.451-07:00The Original Bihar-Ke-Lala<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(This first appeared on <a href="http://amreekandesi.com/2013/10/02/the-original-bihar-ke-lala/" target="_blank">AmreekanDesi</a>)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I remember this guy from high school who was cheated out of
an opportunity to cheat in the exams.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He had stashed micro-photocopied reproductions of the
textbook inside a defunct cistern, and was biding time, trying to guess whether
the time was opportune yet to rush out under the pretence of an urge to urinate
and have a cursory look. But one of his classmates, Pappu, who was aware of
such machinations, excused himself earlier, went to the toilet and extricated
the photocopies. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(Continue reading <a href="http://amreekandesi.com/2013/10/02/the-original-bihar-ke-lala/" target="_blank">here</a>)</span></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-51950627856224592322013-09-28T03:29:00.002-07:002013-09-28T06:19:05.247-07:00My Best Friend(s)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Friends are everywhere, just like pigeon droppings. But true
friends are very rare.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And what is this concept of best friend? A best friend,
inasmuch I understand, is someone with whom you are most comfortable, and who
is amenable to adjustment to accommodate your eccentricities, much like </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">underwear.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You can talk to him/her on anything, everything. Crushes, love,
music, porn, poop, politics... the list goes on and on endlessly. He/she will
stand with you through thick and thin. ‘<i>High</i>’
and low. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But is it necessary to have a single best friend? For me,
for the time being, the answer is no. There are, in fact, loads of people
around me with whom I share the same level of retardation. I can talk absolute
crap in front of a multitude of friends, and have that bullshit appreciated,
thought upon, and discussed.</span></div>
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Amongst this melee, lost somewhere is a guy, let’s call him
DPM. After all, <a href="http://mallikarjunak.blogspot.in/2013/08/whats-in-name.html" target="_blank">what's in a name?</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVrFU6NCGFSfd2nOZkuURRdAAPia7ghsSrtEd3QCOgEiSGvWg5vGAgVUXmzF37q_38NJ7bI70MZy8_U210L-HOT-qR2Bn_NvMy-yZqMuU6n0KRSg9xdangAPeuWn_tf9RoeGpzSyn4WBrb/s1600/nV8vw12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVrFU6NCGFSfd2nOZkuURRdAAPia7ghsSrtEd3QCOgEiSGvWg5vGAgVUXmzF37q_38NJ7bI70MZy8_U210L-HOT-qR2Bn_NvMy-yZqMuU6n0KRSg9xdangAPeuWn_tf9RoeGpzSyn4WBrb/s400/nV8vw12.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(keeping this in mind, I proceed to rant)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He is my best friend, or more precisely, one amongst my many
best friends. He is fat as fuck, and responds to ‘<i>mota</i>’ faster than he does to his own name. His daily routine is, on
the whole, an amalgamation of a large number of subsidiary activities that remain
inconspicuous owing to his ritual of chomping continuously throughout the day.
He looks more like a holy cow chewing cud in the by-lanes of Indian cities who
refuses to budge unless threatened with dried sugarcane.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Three helpings of anything that is served, plus 2-3 cokes
back-to-back is the minimum that it takes for him to get a hold on his senses. His
pregnancy is analogous to a/any hostel room under normal circumstances. You go
on piling rubbish (read empty beer bottles, cigarette buds, <i>gooey</i> <i>crumpled papers</i> in that order)
and take note of it only when it is too late, for ex when there is a possible
visit from a family member. Then it takes a huge effort to clear all that shit.
His case is the same. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">His man-boobs would put many to shame and when he is running
(which he has taken up lately to atone for the 7<sup>th</sup> cardinal sin) his
posterior is a sight to behold. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He sulks like a mother-in-law, and people take undue
advantage of the fact that he is a cross between Romesh Powar and Munaf Patel.
Fat and slow, and this can be a source of amusement. So, our daily routine
comprises activities, say conniving to cheat him out of a cards-game, or
calling him a fat-ass (which he actually is), to excite his shorter-than-Rajpal-Yadav
temper, run for your life before he gets to move his ass, and then watch the proceedings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He cannot run for all he is worth, and an expletive-filled-rant
and threats of ‘fucking you up later’ is all that he can offer. For us, well, <i>it is funny because he is fat</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">His mood swings faster than Mulayam Singh’s, so he is not
eternally sulky. He returns to his usual fat-self in a matter of minutes. Hence,
calling him names is a good bargain.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There is not a single bollywood movie that he hasn't seen or liked. The other day he was telling me that Bajatey Raho was a good movie. I attempted, <i>aur meri baj ke reh gayi</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He was christened ‘Teddy’ by the ostensible love of his
life, which he furiously denies, but goes full retard when he gets a call or a
text from her. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">He is paranoid about his health and his coursework, and legend has it that he has got an everlasting stock of medicines for any eventuality ranging from fever to ulcers
to </span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">gupt rogs</i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Apart from all these good qualities, he is a pretty nice
guy. He is intelligent, smart, dominating (obviously, given his size) and fat
(it had to be mentioned multiple times to do justice to his weight). He is
ever-willing to listen to my retarded mumbo-jumbo and gives equally retarded
advice and solutions to hypothetical and inane questions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In short, if he were into drugs, anybody could have mistaken him for Zach Galifianakis in Hangover.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I reiterate that DPM is one of my best friends. Just that
he is<i> <b>fat</b></i>, and that is freaking funny.</span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(Disclaimer: The character mentioned above is not fictitious;
any resemblance to the intended person is completely intentional) </span></i><o:p></o:p><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-67738546672082170122013-09-16T22:23:00.000-07:002013-09-16T22:35:32.519-07:00Perks of being a teetotaler<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don’t wish to claim that being a teetotaler makes me a resolute
person. I mean, when people all around you drink the shit out of themselves all
the time, it’s pretty difficult trying not to give a fuck. In fact, resisting
temptation, Cadbury or otherwise, hasn't been my forte. With alcohol, it has
been more like SONY broadcasting CID, read ‘<i>for
no particular reason’</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And if someone asks me why don't I loosen up, or that one drink won't hurt, I just tell them that untying <i>kachche ka naada</i> while sleeping loosens me up alright. I, therefore, find alcohol redundant.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH8ufpVeSpbvPOVdN3THvzabyqGwkvD03fLDLEEISZGsc1zWIAbfCGKWqdh23MM1PGg49vvJikt7GFTEeIeXl206_mngJNBzdhZAI_1y8TbSCw5SOyA8AXUrXFTw_lq28xZlNlEwzL4bwP/s1600/042312-winebottles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH8ufpVeSpbvPOVdN3THvzabyqGwkvD03fLDLEEISZGsc1zWIAbfCGKWqdh23MM1PGg49vvJikt7GFTEeIeXl206_mngJNBzdhZAI_1y8TbSCw5SOyA8AXUrXFTw_lq28xZlNlEwzL4bwP/s320/042312-winebottles.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(well, obviously)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My mom used to tell me, in fact she still does, that those
who don’t abstain would end up in </span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">narak</i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">.
It is only now that I realize that ‘</span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">narak</i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">’
might have meant </span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bigg Boss</i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Most of my friends indulge themselves twice or thrice a week
and those of us who don’t, well, our number is falling faster than an-imagined
Dolly Bindra in free fall. Nevertheless, I partake in these <i>daru</i>-parties, barely having any idea as
to what I am doing at a place where I am not supposed to be. Sometimes, I feel
more out of place than Avika Gor essaying an adult, married woman.</span><br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">12</span><sup style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">th</sup><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> man might be a closer description. I am
sometimes asked to fetch water because if any drunk guy endeavors to do that
and gets lost, well, you are more likely to find Crusoe in ‘the island of
despair’ than this guy who got lost with an equal probability of ending up in
any of the 1000 odd rooms in the hostel.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, a teetotaler in a group of drunks is nothing more than
a silent observer. Having copied all observations in each and every lab I was
forced to attend, these parties are my chance at being original for a change.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The bacchanals are interspersed with one or the other guy,
who is drunk out of his wits, reciting an anecdote, which is mostly about his
crush, to another on-the-verge-of-passing-out guy who blabbers words of advice that
are as lucid to the former as problems on projectile motion in saner conditions.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Expletives do the rounds more rapidly than the solitary
cigarette that is passed around and shared by 5-6 guys, and in the process,
someone, almost involuntarily, blurts out a secret and on egging on, embarks on
a rant that resembles a Rakhi-Sawant outburst- indistinct and causing much
abashment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As a person who is able to actually understand what is being
said, I mentally rub my palms together like the traffic cop who once caught me
taking a wrong turn. The prospect of tormenting your friends with stories as
embarrassing as Balika Vadhu once they are ready to give fucks is a good
bargain for not drinking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The lesser mortals (beginners) pass out pretty quickly, like
a bunch of Pakistani batsmen getting dismissed, while the more experienced ones
steal the show, drinking with such pomp and enthusiasm that one generally
associates with women when a sale is going on at a local super market. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Being a teetotaler, I sometimes feel, embarrassingly
enough, that I am responsible for these people who would be more untameable than
a twerking child-star in a couple of hours. Well, the only thing I find myself accountable
for is trying to ensure that nobody pukes, at least not in my room. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Those puking like a woman into the 7th month of pregnancy take the suggestion of quitting to be a slight to their intake-capacity, and suddenly my lineage starts trending faster than #IfPoonamPandeywasyourTeacher.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvSE1s26Mn0z9g8U_sx8RBhzKIbC8TnNv7_TPsxFArUipZxrK3rOn5AB4nrcZSJ5P4_ZVLKDlnYpa91OuMrYHWrlHnvnDqhYtEXo9X09YWPFOWW7kReVpNEx5XZfGvNFB-1qsxzf8BfVYG/s1600/teetotaller.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvSE1s26Mn0z9g8U_sx8RBhzKIbC8TnNv7_TPsxFArUipZxrK3rOn5AB4nrcZSJ5P4_ZVLKDlnYpa91OuMrYHWrlHnvnDqhYtEXo9X09YWPFOWW7kReVpNEx5XZfGvNFB-1qsxzf8BfVYG/s400/teetotaller.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMi0wODE0OTE3MmY2ZTU2YTk1" target="_blank">(meh)</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">People are carried off in batches towards the bathroom, and
the washbasin looks like the transcript of a Viveik Oberoi movie the next
morning. The vocabulary-range of the <i>bhaiya</i>,
who is forced to clean up the mess even though he can’t demand extra for
overtime, might make him eligible for a role in Anurag Kashyap’s next movie.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Those who fall short of puking, they lie around like a herd
of buffaloes, sometimes as many as 5-6 people packed into a single bed. Someone
would start laughing hysterically at an old joke. Others would demand that a
particular Aashiqui 2 song be played out on loop on woofer, following which the
entire group would start singing and shouting, little realizing that the song
was paused midway, and suddenly you can’t differentiate between my room and the
Indian parliament.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A few of them, especially those who stay in other hostels a
fair distance away from ours, start claiming that they are fit to proceed to
their own rooms, but as soon as they stand up, they collapse like an Indian
mother would if her son tells her that he would want her to meet a girl. Then, it is up to you to decide whether it is worthwhile to drag this disoriented heap of a person to his hostel, or let him continue as a buffalo.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsvdyBO3luQlUlqylzdRv8OagGFVAF3R5NvmmqKXi_34IxLSAnfU2FBPEVx7sg-pEVK8ynxFjR1nreOsik1JgwlMmZwMj7aZTSN3EFDj3kriUv8ohBVbwgjZy0IVPYLNfQNCDLyflKxAsW/s1600/the-hangover-part-ii-w1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsvdyBO3luQlUlqylzdRv8OagGFVAF3R5NvmmqKXi_34IxLSAnfU2FBPEVx7sg-pEVK8ynxFjR1nreOsik1JgwlMmZwMj7aZTSN3EFDj3kriUv8ohBVbwgjZy0IVPYLNfQNCDLyflKxAsW/s400/the-hangover-part-ii-w1280.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(meh again)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Then there is another variety,an absolute dipsomaniac like Devdas. This guy gets drunk more
frequently than the number of times Arnab claims, “The nation wants an answer”
on </span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Newshour</i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. And whenever he gets
drunk, he starts crying inexplicably. When sober, he doesn't give a shit about
the world. But give him a bottle, and he goes all Meena Kumari on you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Also, as a sober guy, you are expected to keep reminding
those who are wasted that standing on and peeing over the railing at the edge
of the terrace is not a very good idea, especially when they are not ready to
take ‘don’t’ for a suggestion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In hindsight, I believe these are a pretty good number of
observations. Obviously less than what ACP Pradyumna could have managed, but passable
nevertheless.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Being a teetotaler also has a few other perks per se.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You save a sizable portion of your monthly allowance,
although you are more than likely to waste it somewhere else is a different
matter altogether. There is no fear of getting caught while trying to smuggle
in the crates, or of being confronted with uncomfortable questions about <i>that</i> girl from school.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-8457939207704288112013-09-13T20:59:00.000-07:002013-10-02T10:12:28.328-07:00Saas, Bahu, and Nonsense<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(This first appeared on <a href="http://amreekandesi.com/2013/09/14/saas-bahu-and-nonsense/" target="_blank">AmreekanDesi</a>)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Finally, I am home after what seemed to be an eternity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Well, I do have doubts as to whether 47 days qualify as an
eternity. But the burgeoning pile of untidy clothes (which warranted the
purchase of a room freshener to help Set Wet’s cause) that threatened to bury
me alive in my own room failed to suggest otherwise. To Mom and her washing
machine then!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Nothing much has changed in these intervening 47 days save
the state of my wardrobe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Apart from the fact that onions now cost almost the same as underwear,
and that the PM talked (yes he did, about the most ideal candidate to be his
successor as a puppet), things have remained the same more or less, especially
on the soap opera front.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">These soap operas have become the raison d’etre for many
news channels too that provide news feed about a popular TV actress indulging
in manicure, or the latest development in a soap dealing with child marriage.
Well, Syria can wait.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(Continue reading <a href="http://amreekandesi.com/2013/09/14/saas-bahu-and-nonsense/" target="_blank">here</a>)</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-60055157446974365672013-08-28T06:57:00.001-07:002013-10-02T09:59:43.674-07:00The Kings of Hard Times<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We, Indians, are in for hard times. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Well, by no means am I an economist. Or a philosopher,
either. In fact, I am as close to being a philosopher as Viveik Oberoi is to
making a sensible film. This is to say, pretty close, like a typo-free Manish
Tewari. But joblessness can make you do things, like thinking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The writing is on the <i>wall-coloured</i>
business newspapers, which double up as notebook covers, that carry with them
gory tales of bloodbath on the stock markets, of some random Government policy
going wrong, and much more, that make as much sense to hostel dwellers as the mess
food.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In fact, the writing has been there for quite some time now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Rupee has weakened substantially like a pregnant woman over
the past few months. Media people tell it has plummeted lower than Poonam
Pandey’s neckline, which seemed as possible a few months ago as our PM talking
on a random day which is not 15</span><sup style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">th</sup><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> August.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But, the reality is that it is happening. Rupee has topped 68
per dollar<i>. Itne main toh traffic police
bhi challan kaat leta hai. </i>Experts see it clocking 70, thereby putting Nano
to shame.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Then there is the acute Onion problem, priced at par with
petrol and beer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Indians, therefore, are spoilt for choice: Speed, intoxication
or a fetid mouth? People are generally seen forsaking one stink for a <i>highe</i>r one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Last Monday, we were eating out, like we do every other
Monday night when the cooks in the mess have this epiphany to perform better
than they normally do. As we sat chatting about Miley Cyrus, the Chilli Chicken
that we had ordered presented itself before us in all its glory. No onions, no
chilli, but plain chicken in the form of pellets that reminded us of goats.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even the Golgappa waala gave us sinister looks when we
suggested he put some more chopped onion, the same look that he had once given
me when I had demanded a third <i>sookha paapdi.</i>
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Our PM, who is more of an economist than a statesman, the harbinger
of change a couple of decades ago, has metamorphosed into a king from an Indian
epic who had 100 kids. His kids and ministers ran amok, while he chose to be
blind (well, blind and indifferent are different, but blind is better. At
least it has a more plausible excuse). The parallels are unnerving.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Then there is the perennial Indian problem. 8 months and a violent
backlash later, the animal instinct towards women remains intransigent. It is
remarkable how often the PM gets misconstrued given the few occasions he chooses
to open up. <i>Economy sadak pe aa gai hai, aur
logon ki animal instinct bhi.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As I write, Rupee approaches the magical figure of 69.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Then, there is this routine, everyday news about Chennai
Express breaking yet another box office record, and Madras Café barely managing
to scrape through, when the truth is that Chennai Express made <i>Om Shanti Om</i> look like <i>Schindler’s list</i>. Surely, to quote ACP
Pradyumna, ‘<i>kuch to gadbad hai</i>’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Now something irrelevant. Digvijaya Singh’s fan, you see. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Finally, Ben Affleck has been handpicked by Warner Bros to
be the next Batman. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Personally, I don’t have any issues. Well, I am not
important enough to have my issues addressed by the casting director anyways.
But it is really interesting to note that an online petition against the
casting of Ben Affleck has received more signatures than a similar petition to
jail corrupt ministers, and the number of status updates that were posted by
Indians against Ben Affleck, the same people who rave about Chennai Express.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-31838988130666511122013-08-18T11:30:00.000-07:002014-11-11T10:17:02.364-08:00Much ado about pooping<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The remnants of vada, kurkure, bhel, and the infamous
IRCTC-approved meal from last night slithered down his large intestine. Like a
snake that approaches its prey furtively and then at the very last moment
strikes with such force that catches the toad unawares, the snake within him
was already in position.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It was any moment now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He was not someone who was easily bogged down. He fought
with all his might, moved about the compartment in order to slacken himself,
even tried to sleep in the hope of passing time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But the damage had been done. A fart or two here and there
did provide momentary respite, like a wicket or two when Dhoni is batting at
the other end. That, however, hardly changes the overall scenario.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He, however, was determined. There are instances in people’s
lives that make them apprehensive about doing things, like catching sight of
the vendor picking his nose before serving golgappas. The solitary view that he
had of the toilet in his coach while peeing last night had strengthened his
resolve about not using it for ‘heavier’ purposes. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">At least, he wasn’t going down without a fight.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Water was flowing all over the place, though the smell
emanating from the cubicle really made him apprehensive about its chemical
composition, whether it was water at all in the first place. Some liquid also wafted
in from outside, originating from the wash-basin that was overflowing with
Colgate flavoured water, saliva and mucus. And with each jerk of the train, more
of the used water, saliva and mucus came crashing down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Indian-style toilet tunnels into the railway tracks. It
is like blindfolded captains aboard choppers shedding relief material
mid-flight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Basically, he was to defecate in the open, into nature. A
proper way to address nature’s call (agreed this comparison is lame, but not as
lame as calling up nature with a cell phone as in Chennai Express). He might as
well rush off into the bushes whenever the train stopped again inexplicably for
a considerable length of time in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by fields
and squatters in full sight.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">His experiences from the toilet in his hostel wing were enough
to steel him in any eventuality, like the toilet presenting itself a fine
morning in all its glory, smacking of the previous guy who had to abandon the toilet
owing to the tap’s refusal to cooperate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Before he began, he had to ensure he aligned his
don’t-ask-me-what in line with the hole. Else, well, need I say more?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Also, the container that held water inside the toilet was
chained to the tap itself. Good measure, considering how we as Indians have the
itching desire to pocket anything that is unclaimed. However, that also meant
he would have to reposition himself at an angle to his original position after he
was done, in order to ensure that his you-know-what was within the scope of the
container.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And as he would squat in order to relieve himself, he would
have to cling on to something for dear life, for the rhythmic movement of the
train could throw him off balance. That also entails the risk of the poop
missing its target, and with the squatter off-balance, things could get
complicated, much like a strike missing its target, and the drone crash landing
into the same spot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And the ultra-fine stream of water coming out of the tap
meant that there is a time lag, between wiping and washing your hand, of about
two minutes, which seems longer than the wait for the passport to arrive even
after you have submitted all your documents in order.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Much ado about pooping! </span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-50475845008297617552013-08-17T12:21:00.000-07:002014-02-19T05:38:29.037-08:00What's in a name?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Now, it could be misconstrued. But to make it clear, I am
fond of my name the way our PM is fond of his silence. Or the way CSK is proud
of RP Singh.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Mallikarjuna Kalika. Yes, yes, I know it took you more than
one attempt to get it right. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No, I don’t get pissed. I have seen first timers produce
variants such as <i>Mallik Arjun</i>, or<i> Mallik</i>, or something as far-fetched and
off the mark as the Telugu old-timer <i>Nagarjuna</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even when available in the written format, people generally have
trouble trying to make sense of what it is supposed to sound like, the same people
who proudly cry aloud ‘Schwarzenegger’ in an apparent attempt to display their
contemporary outlook, but start peeing their pants when trying to articulate ‘<i>Mallikarjuna</i>’. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"></span></div>
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The list includes friends, best friends, even teachers, and
often the name gets reduced to ‘Arjun’, or the more infamous, though
misleading, ‘</span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Mallika</i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">’. Even the religiously inclined fail to recall any such
name ever catching their fancy, though they readily blurt out the name of the
actor who plays lord Shiva in a popular TV series.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiftHjuz7wjxGGbuIjud2pTifBgn1BgWasKM_qXU8-kwXHxicYirIc3fk6ngVpzWy5_JFJ1cPB7nZIsXn8vdGjKfHGx_I24N5rNtFVAIveaE7dH7ARk1v5LIu1pgckGLubXPU_0qwaAwtyZ/s1600/willi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiftHjuz7wjxGGbuIjud2pTifBgn1BgWasKM_qXU8-kwXHxicYirIc3fk6ngVpzWy5_JFJ1cPB7nZIsXn8vdGjKfHGx_I24N5rNtFVAIveaE7dH7ARk1v5LIu1pgckGLubXPU_0qwaAwtyZ/s400/willi.jpg" height="312" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(SnakesFear agrees)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have been known as ‘Mallika’ for the entirety of my life.
Through school, and now in college too. Well, pronouncing <i>Mallikarjuna</i> takes about a millisecond more than <i>Mallika</i>, but for the ease of speech, and
the entailing prospect of ridiculing somebody, <i>Mallika </i>beats <i>Mallikarjuna </i>hands
down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Being called <i>Mallika</i>,
I have had my share of awkward situations. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You walk into a room where your name somehow manages to
precede you, and people are half expecting a lady to walk in. Or the Maths
teacher in high school, who took an eternity staring at my name in the
attendance sheet, but finally managed the same old ‘<i>Mallika</i>’ albeit with some ingenuity. ‘<i>Kalika</i> or <i>Sherawat</i>?’ had
the entire class in splits. I managed a sheepish smile, as if I was caught stealing
something. Or masturbating.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Now picture this. You walk into the college auditorium, and
your roommate calls out to you. The entire class turns to have a look at you,
considering how girls are venerated in colleges, especially engineering
colleges. You walk in with amused people laughing, while you try and get to
your seat as furtively as possible. Just like Lindsay getting into rehab,
trying to shoo off all the media frenzy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">However, even after all that, I can’t deny the fact that
such a name sticks with people. They might not get hold of, say, a <i>Ramesh</i> in the first encounter, but they
tend to get used to <i>Mallika</i> faster,
especially when it’s a male they are trying to refer to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Also, there is the perennial question on whether I am a south
Indian. Admitted that South Indian names are difficult to get hold of, and seem
like complete addresses in themselves. Mine is no different. In fact, I have
been asked of this so many times now that putting up a disclaimer in the about
section of my facebook and google+ profiles might not be that bad an idea after
all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don’t have a tanned complexion. Neither is my spoken Hindi
tinctured with shades of South Indian accent that Deepika so endearingly put on
display in Chennai Express. No, my Hindi is not <i>Bokwas</i> at all. As a matter of fact, I like to believe that my Hindi
is as good, if not better, as that of many of my North Indian friends.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But, here too, my name weaves its magic, and people form
their own assumptions. Until they hear me produce expletives at breakneck speed
in both Oriya and Hindi, something South Indians generally have difficulty
doing, which settles the matter conclusively.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-28496192172456492182013-08-11T00:37:00.003-07:002013-10-02T10:13:48.335-07:00Once Upon a Local Train in Mumbai<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This post first appeared on <a href="http://amreekandesi.com/2013/08/11/once-upon-a-local-train-in-mumbai/" target="_blank">AmreekanDesi</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">People in the front, those standing at the very edge of the
platform are virtually a fart away from death. Behind them, a crowd builds up:
a motley mix of smartphone wielding persons engrossed in flinging birds at
pigs. A few others loiter around with their gadgets in hand and earphones in
place, ostensibly listening to music, actually trying to be flashy.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Almost invariably, everybody, irrespective of gender,
resembles a newly ordained mother. The bags lie to the front of the commuters,
much like the bags hassled new-moms use to carry their babies. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(Continue reading <a href="http://amreekandesi.com/2013/08/11/once-upon-a-local-train-in-mumbai/" target="_blank">here</a>)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-66495401303895735852013-08-09T10:37:00.001-07:002013-10-02T10:00:46.383-07:00Romance of galli cricket<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This post first appeared on <a href="http://www.sportskeeda.com/2013/08/09/romance-of-galli-cricket/?ref=profile_activity" target="_blank">Sportskeeda.</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No sooner than the clock strikes the designated hour that
kids, even adolescents, start trickling in and soon the paltry area between two
buildings or the open parking lot lying in abeyance becomes the center of
commotion and clamor, much to the relief of kids who couldn't afford an
afternoon nap despite the repeated pleas of their mothers, lest they miss out
on the action. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dead branches and bricks serve as stumps, with a solitary
piece of rock doing the needful at the bowler’s end. Lack of enough bats means sometimes the
non-striker runs for his life, er wicket, empty handed, and the batsmen are
again forced to meet midway through the pitch, if one can call that strip of
dust and stones a pitch, where the bat is handed over.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The batsman at the non-striker’s end also has to dispense of
his duties as a makeshift umpire, and is at the center of scandalous
accusations of corruption and partiality. Hell, even the players don’t add up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Name calling takes up more time than the game itself in case
of brick-stumps. Because the imagined height at which the ball floated over
them is different for different players, leading to oblique reference to the
non-striker cum-umpire’s lineage.</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaV-i77Z2j8pTj4lpG2cS3660Bar-0ZKNcZLi5T0azh09I64Dhw6_PfkmzPKWvHIowdJqXxPYwPwPLPtN167v4BNVbyI0n_Ta1C80I9-_wvPIBoUBhrhTrl-9B-AkCPHVj2MseSFB-yp4x/s1600/4602703393_bc741f9dae_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaV-i77Z2j8pTj4lpG2cS3660Bar-0ZKNcZLi5T0azh09I64Dhw6_PfkmzPKWvHIowdJqXxPYwPwPLPtN167v4BNVbyI0n_Ta1C80I9-_wvPIBoUBhrhTrl-9B-AkCPHVj2MseSFB-yp4x/s320/4602703393_bc741f9dae_z.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Balls are mostly tennis balls or rubber balls. Especially
rubber balls. Reasons: many. They come cheap. But most importantly, they don’t
hurt in the obvious absence of protection.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Boundaries are mostly imaginary, where the mental
projections of the edge of a building or the wall of a compound double up as
boundaries, leading to squabbling over the veracity of claims regarding 4’s or
6’s. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Obviously, the fielder is the only one who is actually aware
of what really happened. Scenes from the Parliament are re-enacted on the
parking lot in case of discrepancies in matters that directly affect people.</span><br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The batsman at the non-striker’s end also has to dispense of
his duties as a makeshift umpire, and is at the center of scandalous
accusations of corruption and partiality. Hell, even the players don’t add up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Despite such obvious shortcomings, the players involved seem
oblivious, both to such foibles and to the rants of the lady whose glass panes
were shattered a few days back.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Rules are ingenious, and have been designed carefully to
satisfy spatial and monetary constraints. Too many ‘out-of-the-park’ shots in
the past, that made the concerned fielder direct allusive remarks at the batsman’s mother and
sisters, meant that the rules had to be tweaked, and shots that landed too far
away were categorized as dismissals. So were the strokes that hit a particular
wall above a specified height or a particular story that made the same
cantankerous lady appear at the window.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Lost balls or smashed windows mean compensation, and the
onus generally lies with the batsman responsible for the decimation, though
some pro-democratic members advocate the pooling of resources to reduce the degree
of rant that the batter might have to face at home.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Captains are ordained mostly at public demand, and teams are
decided through coin-flipping. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Batting order defies logic, and is generally led by players
who didn’t have a chance to bowl, or are not going to. That probably derives
from the fact that generally, in proper cricket, bowlers can’t bat and hence
make a belated appearance. But more than that, gully cricket is also about
justice: it is a matter of providing everybody the chance to be a part of the
action, much like caste based reservations. You didn't bat? You’ll bowl first
then. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The dusk for the players coincides with the advent of
darkness, for tougher lectures lie in store for those who aren’t already faking
mathematics at their tables by the time their mothers are done with the evening
prayers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Simply put, galli cricket is a crude, toned-down version of
cricket. Nevertheless, galli is where the real India plays, which can’t afford
training but is bursting at the seams with talent. It is where the bourgeois
takes baby steps into the world of cricket. Even the Pathans and Dhonis of
cricket evolved from such alleys and by-lanes, making such thin strips of land
hallowed in the annals of cricket.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-61336159892462926452013-08-01T12:26:00.000-07:002013-08-15T11:13:38.289-07:00Virat Kohli vs Hashim Amla: Comparing the two ODI run machines<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This first appeared on <a href="http://www.sportskeeda.com/2013/08/02/virat-kohli-vs-hashim-amla-comparing-the-two-odi-run-machines/" target="_blank">Sportskeeda</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Kohli and Amla? Too many runs and too much consistency in
one sentence already.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When it comes to batting in ODI internationals, very few
names crop up when it comes to matching the level of consistency that Amla and
Kohli have displayed throughout their careers. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Scoring runs, prolifically at that, has become such a differentia
with these batsmen that a 30-odd score is subliminally thought of as an off day
for them. And if a few innings pass by without being adorned by a sizable
enough score, the anticipation building around those two is palpable. And
invariably, they deliver, with eerie regularity. These similarities apart, who
makes for a better ODI run machine?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">First, let’s go with Kohli. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He prominently features among the top tier batsmen when
classified according to the number of runs scored in ODIs in the current
calendar year. No surprises there, it’s business as usual for him. He has been
doing that for the past three years, and even topped the charts in 2011.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT-ssaPi5lwrUGQrfq9b3OF08WoIYfTQhqVHnI12PpCgM-500ymIwrVNi_y9Y7gATwdj2AgPaSuI6Z-MMEofhLbSRWViHg3NraWas8UUmuLGOuMpnwzD6DsCfMgYEfTq0f_f0rFkkvGUSl/s1600/6a0120a735b61b970b016763f9a33f970b-800wi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT-ssaPi5lwrUGQrfq9b3OF08WoIYfTQhqVHnI12PpCgM-500ymIwrVNi_y9Y7gATwdj2AgPaSuI6Z-MMEofhLbSRWViHg3NraWas8UUmuLGOuMpnwzD6DsCfMgYEfTq0f_f0rFkkvGUSl/s320/6a0120a735b61b970b016763f9a33f970b-800wi.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kohli : rewriting record books</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Comparisons with Sachin do the rounds, which per se is
unfair to any batsman. But, spectacularly, he hasn’t disappointed. Following in
his footsteps, he, too, has developed a penchant for renaming records.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Records have been tumbling in his wake for some time now. He
is the second fastest batsman after Sir Viv, and fastest Indian, to complete
4000 runs in ODIs, and has a chance at eternal glory to become the fastest to
5000 ODI runs. He already has 15 ODI centuries, that too from the least number
of matches in the history of cricket, and beats the nearest competitor
comprehensively. He is also the youngest to have ever done that. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">His conversion rate of about 0.63 is also the best in
history. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">His performances in crunch situations, especially while
chasing, bear testament to his rise as India’s best and most reliable batsman. He
is the first batsman in the history of ODI cricket to average more than 60 per
dismissal while chasing. 133 at Hobart, which witnessed the decimation of Malinga,
or the 183 against Pakistan in the 2012 Asia Cup speak volumes about his import
as an important cog in the wheel of Indian batting.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Another for the books: he is the fourth most successful
batsman in the history of ODI cricket as regards successful chases.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A natural at the shorter formats of the game, he took his
time but has eventually managed to showcase his adaptability to the longer
version of the game. He hasn’t been as spectacular, but has managed an
impressive conversion rate in the longer format as well.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Amla, however, pales in comparison when it comes to
possessing landmark records. This, however, is only one small part of a much
larger picture.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">His batting possesses virtually none of the atrocious shot
making many of the other modern day batsmen employ, hence none of the
mini-orgasmic oohs that define Gayle or his compatriot de Villiers. He probably
belongs to the old school of batting wherein anything unconventional was a
sacrilege. He goes about his job nonchalantly and without much fuss.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Hence his prominence in Test matches, but what about ODIs?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoGupkBugozhBDziuZr8K6Ki_aaFGUIEIdYbNSj27GekXszCYos63OH8AJ9YpdpGp-aj6VAKX23Za58BU0Wt6E0AAVPC6Oz0RzaWhfKlIQiAohnBVNKeQMeHI04cWcp3fZLqwZvJ4_BwVo/s1600/1001694_285234104950385_656947741_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoGupkBugozhBDziuZr8K6Ki_aaFGUIEIdYbNSj27GekXszCYos63OH8AJ9YpdpGp-aj6VAKX23Za58BU0Wt6E0AAVPC6Oz0RzaWhfKlIQiAohnBVNKeQMeHI04cWcp3fZLqwZvJ4_BwVo/s320/1001694_285234104950385_656947741_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Amla : Not far behind Kohli</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">His domination in the 50-over format is news for many. Amla
had to make his mark in test match cricket before being considered for ODIs,
much the opposite when compared to Kohli. Logically, the transition should have
been difficult, or at least should have taken time before he made it big.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For a batsman who had been touted as a test specialist, an</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> average of around 55, much better than Kohli’s, underlines his indispensability
in the one-day format.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Plus there is also his strike rate of 91 runs per 100 balls
faced, exceptional for someone looked upon as fitting something like the
Dravid-mold. It is almost romantic how cricket throws up these incongruities
that makes people fall in love with the game all over again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There has been much hue and cry about Kohli getting to 4000
runs second fastest, but few might have noticed Amla creeping up the
runs-ladder, now set to overtake Kohli at least in this regard. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It might come as a revelation to many, but Amla has 11 ODI
tons in 73 innings, which is remarkable and looks a notch better than Kohli’s
15 in 108 innings. Agreed, two tons against Zimbabwe and one against the Dutch
take some of the sheen away from his batting. But you can’t just point out
foibles like these. What should have he done? Refuse to play with minnows? <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Add to that 21 half-centuries- that makes his conversion
rate 0.53 odd in ODIs, though less than Kohli’s, but still exemplary. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Amla’s preeminence in the test arena might beckon people to
proclaim him as a better batsman, considering how ODI stats remain
inconclusive. But, again, the relatively meager number of matches that Kohli
has featured in fails to give weight to this argument.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Asking to choose between these two ODI greats of the modern
game is like asking to choose between Warne and Muralitharan as to</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> who was a
better test bowler, where records and stats can only tell you so much.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">All in all, record books do revere Kohli for now. But the
threat of another invader looking to upset the books looms large.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-69227509595186806182013-05-03T09:25:00.000-07:002013-08-15T10:36:03.629-07:00IPL 6: Both Mumbai Crowd and Kohli overreacted<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This first appeared on <a href="http://crickettadka.com/ipl-6-mumbai-crowd-kohli-cheater/" target="_blank">Cricket Tadka</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">They had booed when Sachin was dismissed after crawling his way to a tardy 1 after batting for 34 long minutes. They didn’t spare Yuvraj when he did a Jonty to deny the MI a last ball victory. And now, it was Kohli’s turn.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Mumbai crowd, a traditionally miffy one, apparently took offence when a Kohli direct hit had Rayudu scrambling for space to make it back in time to the bowler’s end. Pollard had hit the Vinay Kumar delivery to the cover region, and Kohli effected a direct hit. There was an ugly tangle involving Rayudu, and Kumar who was backing up the throw, and a grappling Rayudu failed to get his bat back in time. The collision was without a hint of doubt unintentional, as Vinay Kumar had his back towards Rayudu. Rayudu was, incidentally, yet to face a delivery.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Kohli went ahead with the appeal, and the television umpire had no hesitation in ruling Rayudu out. And this did not go down very well with the Mumbai crowd.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The dismissal was, as such, a fairly legitimate one. Kumar was in no position to be aware of the fact that he was obstructing Rayudu. But the fans were in no mood to relent, and started firing a barrage of jeers towards a cornered Kohli, and possibly even called him “cheater”.</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The hapless star, a no-nonsense player who is all for giving-it-back-to-them, found himself in unfamiliar territory when he realised that he was not in a position to retort here, or fling out the middle finger.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Chants of ‘cheater, cheater’ reverberated throughout the stadium when he was out in the middle, and the crowd tried to get on his nerves throughout the match. And the jeering was at its loudest when Harsha Bhogle called him up for the post match presentation. Having put restraining orders on himself throughout the match, he now let his heart out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Here is what he had to say:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“I don’t know what is wrong with people in this venue. It feels a bit weird because at the end of the day you play for India and you don’t come here to be hated.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“It has happened to a few players in the past as well. I don’t know why they get so worked up during IPL. IPL is not the end of the world. They forget that the players they are booing for also play for their country.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“It is only creating hatred among the players. When I come back and play for India, they are going to cheer for me. It doesn’t work that way.”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Indian fans go more by emotions than by reason. Passion runs high in any match involving India, or any Indian cricketer for that matter. And if the fans blurt out their sentiments, one should, maybe, take it in his stride. And after all, if there is a concept of home teams and away teams in the IPL, fans are going to make life difficult for the visiting side. As is the case with international matches, the entailing hostility of an ‘away’ crowd is an associated sidebar.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Maybe it is because I am a staunch Kohli fan, but the booing on the part of the Mumbai crowd was a tad over the line. True, Kohli himself has anger management issues, and is all for settling scores rather than laugh things off. The incident in Sydney also made evident the fact that he is not bogged down by such crowd behaviour.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">On the other hand, Kohli also didn’t handle the situation perfectly. By responding to an attention seeking crowd, Kohli ensured that he will be targeted again by the Wankhede crowd when he comes to play there next time. And the “I play for India” argument doesn’t go down well considering Kohli’s spat with his India team mate Gautam Gambhir the other day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But he is only 24 and a long career ahead of him. Aggressive that he is, he is bound to feel miffed when he is booed in his own country. In fact, that is what anyone would have felt, though whether or not they would have talked about it is a different matter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As far as the crowd goes, the craze for IPL is by no means comparable to the loyalty for the national side. IPL is, one would say, still a fledgling league and crowd loyalties are not so well-formed that warrants such booing of a national superstar. It was, in all probability, an attempt to get under Kohli’s skin that took an ugly turn. And one should remember, this was the crowd that once booed Sachin.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And the crowd made their ignorance of the rules of the game clear if they chanted ‘cheater’ even with an iota of conviction. The run-out, as pointed earlier, was a perfectly legitimate one and blame lies on Rayudu to have not looked where he was headed, for Vinay Kumar was in no position to know that he stood in the way.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What happened that night was unfortunate. It was an ignorant and only partly emotional reaction of a crowd that was whimsical to say the least, choosing to act on the spur of the moment. Kohli was correct in pointing out whatever he felt, for he has made it pretty evident that he lives and dies by playing for his nation. And if he gets back such response from his own countrymen, then he is bound to explode.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-62017414324450188782013-05-03T04:49:00.000-07:002013-08-15T10:35:37.193-07:00Abraham Benjamin de Villiers – Defining the AB and D of cricket <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This first appeared on <a href="http://www.sportskeeda.com/2013/05/03/abraham-benjamin-de-villiers-defining-the-ab-and-d-of-cricket/" target="_blank">Sportskeeda</a></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The customised ‘wall of fame’ is the only raison d'être of
my existence in an otherwise nondescript and dingy hostel room. Made up of
carefully torn <i>Sportstar</i> posters that
I managed to sneak in from the hostel common room, the assortment boasts of
Sachin kissing the World Cup, Alonso atop his mean machine, Graeme Smith with
the test championship mace et al. And in the midst of this league of
extraordinary gentlemen (and a pretty lady in Azarenka holding aloft the 2013
Australian Open Trophy) stands a marauding de Villiers, <i>‘the man with the magic willow’</i>.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Bursting into the international arena at a relatively tender
age of 20, he has carved out a niche for himself that few others could have
dreamt of. Speaking of dreaming, I remember reading an article on AB on how he
dreamt of being the world’s best batsman. Nine years after he first made an
appearance in SA colours, he is third in the list for test batsmen. And as far
as the best one day batsman goes, the answer is shorter than ABC.</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It would be no exaggeration if one was to say that he is the
most versatile cricketer in the modern era, if not in the game’s history. He
bats at any random position, can roll his arm over, keeps wickets and is
probably the best outfielder in the world at the moment, with regular
comparisons drawn with Jonty Rhodes himself. That apart, he also plays tennis, rugby and
golf; not bad at all who has been amongst the world’s best batsmen for some
years now. Plus he dabbles in music as well. Maybe if they handed out HR jobs
in cricket, AB would be the top catch.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Supreme in defence, and outrageous in his shot-making: the
man dons quite a large number of hats. He bats for four hours to save a test
match, and in the very next fixture, he scores a rapid fire 169 to pave the way
for a famous win. It is virtually impossible to recount a phase in his career
when he was tagged out-of-form apart from the 2006-07 season. That’s much like
our own Dhoni, only classier. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"I want to be the best, but I don't give a damn about
statistics. You will have your end goal in mind, but you have to work hard to
get there; ball by ball, innings by innings”. Consistency, gained over
perseverance, is a defining characteristic for this rock star. Many felt he
would go the Gibbs’ way, a rare talent who was satisfied with lesser and
disproportionate success. He was identified as someone who was limitless in
prowess, and was destined to roam unchartered territory.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Breaking the Gibbs’ mould, he set himself apart. His rise as
one of South Africa’s most prominent players bears testimony to this fact. As
an alluding remark, he averages roundabout 50 in both tests and ODIs. That is
probably second to only Amla.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But it is his outrageous and mind-boggling ability to pick
up the length early and execute previously unheard of strokes that have
endeared him to his legion of fans. McCullum is close, but for most, no one
beats AB. After all, not everyone can spank a Steyn delivery over midwicket, or
drive him off a Yorker over extra cover for six. And you just don’t reverse
sweep seamers for sixes.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">One would be forced to believe that there is a touch of
arrogance and rashness imbibed with such attempts at shot-making, but no, not
in his case. His is the case of a naturally talented athlete with surplus
benediction. As they say is the case
with Sachin, AB has this god-gifted ability, polished and reworked over and
over again with a headstrong work ethic.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As far as the IPL goes, almost all of RCB’s batsmen have
been forced to operate furtively under the gargantuan presence of the
belligerent Gayle-force. But nothing can undermine the value that AB brings
into the team. Last night was a perfect case study. Battling a Gayle no-show
and an average score in sight, he unleashed a fury of stroke making that would
have left even Gayle gasping, belting 26 off Dinda’s last over. It was nothing
short of a contemptuous mocking of the hapless bowler without the perpetrator
having any ill will, for how often do you see fast bowlers being swept off one
knee?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“He's developing a new MCC manual of his own" is what Amla
had to say of AB’s stroke making. For now, it is quite evident that ABD is
rewriting C for Cricket. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-47146456908994103272013-04-12T21:27:00.004-07:002013-08-15T10:34:37.593-07:00Of medals and gol gappas : The sorry story of Sita Sahu<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This post first appeared on <a href="http://www.sportskeeda.com/2013/04/13/of-medals-and-gol-gappas-the-sorry-story-of-sita-sahu/" target="_blank">Sportskeeda</a></span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sita Sahu, a mentally challenged teenager from Rewa, is busy
nowadays helping her mother sell ‘gol gappas’ in their nondescript ghetto
settlement. Well, that is nothing out of the ordinary, considering there are
millions of children in our country faced with a similar bleak fate, and their
state of living narrates the same old story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What, then, prompted a leading newspaper to carry a front
page article dedicated to delineating her hardships?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Well, she is a precocious talent. Representing India at the
2011 Special Olympics in Athens, she did the nation proud by bagging two bronze
medals- in the 200m and 1600m. She was faced with a deluge of congratulatory
messages and cash prizes. Her life seemed to have taken a turn for the better. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sadly, the hollow promises are yet to materialize into
something substantial.</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Instead of honing her skills on the field, she now spends
her time preparing street food for the want of money. Her parents are more
concerned about her culinary faculties being toned up rather than ensuring that
she does what she does best. Her mother quips, “She can roll out perfectly
round gol gappas and fry them golden brown”: an epitome of the sorry state of
affairs in our country when it comes to promoting sports and sportspersons. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And her feeling of antipathy when it comes to their child
taking to the tracks is not completely misplaced either. The money they were
promised is yet to see the light of the day. And themselves not being that well-off
to ensure two square meals per day, they are more upbeat about their daughter
earning something more than clichéd assurances.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is not a one-off incident. Nor it should hog the
limelight only because the girl is mentally challenged. The apathy of the
sports administrators towards ensuring that talented individuals who bring
laurels for the nation get their due is not unknown. Be it the women’s teams
across all sports, men’s too in many, or individual athletes; no one seems
interested in the travails of these sportspersons. A few, somehow, and
completely on their own, manage to win competitions of repute, and are thrust
into limelight. But ‘few’ assumes great significance here, the numbers being
pathetically worrisome.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We as Indians are prone to misunderstanding a simple point.
Always complaining about how the Indian athletes are an egregious lot, we fail
to notice how and in what conditions these athletes carry on with their
training, with meagre-to-no state funding, being forced to either arrange
resources or call it quits, for rarely does a sportsperson in India emerge from
an affluent background. Penury and lack of necessary government support forces
them to explore other menial avenues in order to make ends meet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A promising career washed down the lanes of a life of
drudgery.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There have been some exceptions, of course. But they are few
and far away. For instance, success at the Olympic Games ensures fame and
lifelong sustenance. Sushil Kumar and Yogeshwar Dutt were propelled into
instant fame and recognition. What about the others though?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">ndia’s lacklustre standing in the international arena as
regards sports other than cricket has a lot to do with the lackadaisical
attitude of those at the helm of affairs. Instead of making efforts to promote
any sport, they are more concerned about consecrating those few individuals who
succeed, and usurp a share of the limelight. They need to be applauded, no
doubt, but what about those who are languishing as a consequence of their
penury?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Won’t Government funded incentives produce more such
distinguished individuals? Should the authorities not pay attention before any
one-off success story to ensure the number of such stories increase? Do these
athletes not deserve proper encouragement and support (of course, in monetary
terms and the like) to help them realise their potential?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The time has come to let go of red tape and tardy, archaic
mind-sets and ensure that another Sita Sahu is not created. Maybe not possible
in another 100 years, but still, the start has to be made somewhere.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-43293588805652057942013-04-12T10:04:00.000-07:002013-08-15T10:33:14.429-07:00Not Very Indian Premier League<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This post first appeared on <a href="http://crickettadka.com/not-very-indian-premier-league/" target="_blank">Cricket Tadka</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Indian Premier league presents a point of statistical
interest and intrigue. The teams in the fray seem conspicuous by a general lack
of Indian skippers. Out of the nine teams battling it out for glory in this
season of the Indian Premier League, five are being led by foreign recruits. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The four teams that are currently being captained by Indians
are the Kolkata Knight Riders (Gautam Gambhir), Chennai Super Kings (Mahendra
Singh Dhoni), Rajasthan Royals (Rahul Dravid) and Royal Challengers Bangalore
(Virat Kohli). And for the remaining five, three are being captained by Sri
Lankans and two by Australians.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sri Lankan presence as regards captaincy in the league is as
prominent as India’s. Kumar Sangakkara has been at the helm of affairs for the
Hyderabad franchise (formerly Deccan Chargers) for quite some time and Mahela
Jayawardene has been appointed as the Delhi Daredevils’ captain this season.
And as Michael Clarke was ruled out for this season following an injury he
picked up during the Border-Gavaskar trophy, the team management zeroed in on
Angelo Mathews as their new captain. That makes him the fourth captain for the
Pune team in three seasons, and the third Sri Lankan captain for this year’s
IPL.</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Adam Gilchrist has been retained as the Kings’ XI captain
after he made it known during the latter part of last year that he would, in
fact, play in this year’s edition of the IPL as well. He had earlier indicated
that previous year’s IPL was his last. And for the Mumbai franchise, a new
leader was found in Ricky Ponting, who was picked up only recently at the
February auction. Interestingly, he has not featured in the IPL apart from the
first season.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is in stark contrast to the first season, where all the
participating teams, barring Rajasthan royals, were led by Indian captains,
Shane Warne being the exception. Interestingly, most of these Indian captains
were icon players, who were not auctioned as there was a team from their city.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But in the very second edition of this gala event, teams
started doing away with Indian leaders, and turned towards foreign shores, with
Deccan Chargers and Kolkata Knight Riders turning to Adam Gilchrist and Brendon
McCullum respectively for inspiration. DC’s move immediately fired, leading
them straight to title ownership.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Is this a planned strategy to boost the teams’ chances? Or
are the Indians (barring a few) not seen as capable enough to be leading their
sides?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There seems to be logic behind not appointing foreign
players as captains to keep more options available for team selection, as there
is a restriction in terms of the number of overseas players that are allowed to
feature in a given match. An overseas player as captain limits flexibility of
any particular team in its team selection.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Regardless of such an obvious drawback, the teams are
increasingly appointing foreign recruits (most of them time-tested leaders in
their own right) to lead their squads, as this years’ list aptly suggests. And
a cursory glance at the teams featuring an overseas player as their captain is
sufficient to suggest that no particular Indian individual presents a strong
case to be pitching for captaincy. And in teams that do possess such Indians,
they are either unable to perform or are themselves wary of the entailing
responsibilities and its effect on their performance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sehwag has made it clear that he does not wish to be
burdened by the additional weight of captaincy on him, and hence has relinquished
the position to be able to play more freely. So has Sachin, who gave up
captaincy last year itself. Harbhajan was appointed full-time leader last year,
and this year it is Ponting who will shoulder the responsibility.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And for the other three teams, Gilchrist has been leading
the Kings Xi ever since he joined them in 2011, and there is no Indian in the
squad who, at the moment, seems fit to lead them. Same is the case with
Sangakkara, who has been captain for the Hyderabad since 2011. He also led the Punjab
franchise in 2010. Matthews was appointed as a make do </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">captain for the Pune
warriors after Clarke was ruled out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Nevertheless, it is evident from the maddening rush for
international captains that the teams are eagerly chasing players who have led
their national teams with élan (Sangakkara, Gilchrist, Ponting et al). Which in
itself is an indication to the fact that domestic players with proven track
record are never really in serious contention for leadership, even though there
is no dearth of such individuals (Parthiv Patel, Dhawan, Manoj Tiwary to name a
few).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">True, a proven overseas captain might be more effective and
popular than say, a domestic one. But does that mean there is a dearth of
capable Indians? Not really. In fact, it makes the league multi-faceted. Plus,
teams are here to win, not satiate Indian tastes. Not a matter of great concern
if foreigners lead the existing franchises. What’s more, it adds an
international touch to the league.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-54257115368193632262013-04-06T11:46:00.002-07:002013-08-15T10:34:06.960-07:00Is anyone jumping at all?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What is the single most retarded piece of shit currently
doing the rounds on Indian television? The question barely leaves the lips, and
pat comes the obvious and unanimous reply: ‘Dil jumping jhapak jhampak jhampak,
thumping thapak thampak thampak , gili gili yeah’. No, seriously. Farhan Khan
(and of late her brother too) have made it a habit of theirs to openly insult
our intelligence.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The promotional videos that are a part of this year’s IPL
feature Farah Khan in a series of TV ads barging into unknown households and
offices with her band of acolytes, followed by full-blown harassment of the
occupants. The one featuring the small family of three is particularly
pitiable. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">She storms into their house, brandishes a cudgel, and scolds
them for being just a mute spectator (‘sirf dekhneka nai’ she says) and forces
them to dance to a tune that is as retarded as it gets. Really, it is so
annoying that even Justice Katju might not approve of it, leave alone pardon
her.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The fatso child dances like an excited prick as if he were exempted from
punishment for failing in his class, the father dances like a schizophrenic
madman who is constipated, and is holding back a fart or two, being made to dance
in the meantime.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Human Rights Commission should take due cognizance of this
matter. There are laws that govern use of animals in the visual media. Surely
the must be having something to protect deranged runaways. The mother dances in
her nightdress, glad at all the attention she is receiving. Really, who does
that?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Hussain Kuwajerwala, the quintessential ‘Harpic’ boy stands
to gain from such crassness. Imagine the two ads back to back. Farah
gate-crashes into your house, does shit and leaves. Hussain follows up with his
magic formula, cleaning up the mess and leaving a sparkling commode.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Other clips are equally retarded. A scantily clad chick
teaches the moves to be performed in case of a boundary. They should have added
the caption “not to be tried at home”. My mom would crack open my skull if I
did anything even close to that tribal stuff. Another video shows her
instructing the steps to a nincompoop who repeats the moves in slow-mo. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And the cricket experts are not far behind. The promotional
video for the official pre- and post-match talk shows feature those learned men
dancing to that tune without inhibition, even when it makes them look like wild
monkeys or drunk baratis unable to keep their composure intact, their bodies
getting contorted. The hosts do a slightly better job, and manage to look normal
except for Karishma Kotak, who makes Katrina Kaif look like a ballerina. Her
ticket to fame was Bigg Boss, where she carved a niche out for herself as
probably the dumbest person who ever participated in the show. She had problems
remembering the franchise names in the opening ceremony. Girl will go really
far.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">One would have thought that after blockbusters like OSO,
Tees Maar Khan et al, Farah will have a difficult job in trying to outdo her own
self. Well, she has done exactly that. Pissing off Indians in less than one
minute!</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5853990935938648776.post-64572820945110512672013-04-05T07:07:00.002-07:002013-08-15T10:33:37.339-07:00Being Ravindra Jadeja<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This first appeared on <a href="http://crickettadka.com/">Cricket Tadka</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Sir Ravindra Jadeja or Ravindrasinh Anirudhsinh Jadeja
(born 6 December 1988) is a philanthropist, a Nobel Prize winner, a double
Laureus sportman of the year and the nearest human to being God. Other than
that he is an Indian cricketer.” Wikipedia had to lock the article on Ravindra
Jadeja after it became evident that, obviously, one of the readers had a wicked
sense of humour when it came down to
describing someone who is easily the most </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">hated Indian cricketer as of now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The three test old Saurashtra player, who blasted his way
into the test team on the back of two triple centuries in a single season, has
become an internet phenomenon of late, albeit of the sort one would not want to
pride oneself on. The cyberspace and most notably the social media is inundated
with parodies, jokes, memes and what not that cricket aficionados, as well as
the ignoramuses, use relentlessly to express their ‘deep respect and love’ for
Jadeja. Everything involving the cricketer (including his love for Audi cars,
and the Hayabusa in his possession) seem to have become a matter of public
interest and ridicule.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ravindra Jadeja was brought into the squad as a batting all-rounder who could bowl a bit. In the first test match of the Border-Gavaskar trophy at Chennai, where India piled on the misery of the Australian bowlers, the manner in which Jadeja was bowled by Pattinson without offering a shot became the source of amusement for many. Quips like ‘Jadeja falls 284 runs short of what would have been a fourth first-class triple-century’ (this came from a leading cricket portal) started doing the rounds, and the joke went viral. Or how a special Parliamentary session was convened to decide on the official title to be conferred on him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But that is just the tip of the iceberg. Most of these jokes tend to be ridiculous, failing to elicit a laugh at times, and at times bordering on the vulgar.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There have been a myriad of occasions when his inadequacies as a player were brought to the fore. True, each player has such shortcomings. But people tend to connect with his failures in an unprecedented way, taking to the internet to vent their views. His untimely presence in the middle in certain crunch situations hasn’t helped either. Be it the2009 T20 world cup match against West Indies, where he got stuck in the middle after being sent in as an opener, unable to connect willow with the ball. Or the ODI match against Australia (the epic one in which Sachin Tendulkar scored an awe-inspiring 175) in which he failed to see India through. ‘When you have a knack of inviting trouble, you ought to be prepared to deal with the consequences’.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Some even impute his selection to his closeness to Dhoni, for Jadeja plays for the Chennai Super Kings in the IPL.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> For a batting all-rounder like Jadeja, it is quite remarkable to be selected (and persisted with) when there are bowlers who regularly bat better than him (or at least slug it out longer), and there are part timers who can roll their arm over more effectively.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But the irregularity of part-timers is what ostensibly works in his favour.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As a leading daily reported, ‘He is like a sofa-cum-bed. Everyone knows his inadequacies and it feels churlish to keep banging it in but what can you do?’</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And this time around, he has managed to settle the matter conclusively in his favour. His batting has been nondescript to say the least. 10, 16 and 12 in three innings does not seem fit to match the stature of someone who boasts of three triple centuries in first class cricket. But with the ball in his hand, he has done remarkably well, grabbing 17 wickets in 3 test matches, second only to Ashwin’s 22. Most importantly, he has been able to put brakes on Clarke’s purple patch.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> A century in the first test followed by a score of 91 in the second, Clarke seemed set to run down the Indian bowling attack again. But the alarming regularity (good for India though) with which Jadeja has been able to produce a string of unplayable deliveries has ensured that nothing untoward happened (an oblique reference to India’s tour down under a year ago, Clarke inflicted wounds still oozing the drops of hurt pride).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> Jadeja has become a necessity in a team that needs a player who can both bat and bowl. He is like a compromise arrangement, required to plug the leaks, workable in Indian conditions. But a few questions need to be answered: Will he survive against better teams (read South Africa, England et al)? Or will his woeful heroics with the bat provide the selectors with a reason to do away with him, and look toward Pathan, who does seem to bat better (at least when you are talking about international matches), and whose swing might come in handy in such off-shore conditions? (That is, if he manages to stay injury free in the meanwhile).</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11301974835219531318noreply@blogger.com0